Reflections of a Superintendent and Father of Four

It’s interesting, isn’t it? Time seems to go by so fast, and we look back and wonder where it all went. Pre-COVID, my son Jacob was 5 feet, 6 inches tall, and two-and-a-half years later, he stands about 6 feet, 2 inches (by the way, I stand all of 5 feet, 9 inches, so don’t ask me where he gets his height from). The point is, that not only has his physical appearance changed, but he has changed in so many other ways that might not be as obvious. Jacob will continue to change, and I am sad that time with him at home is running out.

Jacob will be our last child to graduate from high school and has just begun his senior year. As many of you know, I am blessed with four children: Jamison, Jordan, Jill, and Jacob. Just like fine wine, Jennifer and I have gotten better with time in parenting. As I reflect on being just 24 years old and bringing Jamison into the world, I remember thinking, “I don't know what I am doing. Thank goodness for my wife, Jennifer!” Things have come full circle as our oldest, Jamison, just had her first child with her husband, Jared.

Our house still has a bit of the hustle and bustle to it. Now that we have a granddaughter, Josie (another “J” name!), I am not sure we will see a significant slow-down. Still, as Jacob enters his final year, I feel a bit nostalgic and sentimental, remembering the days that were both good and a bit frustrating at times. Regardless, these memories put a smile on my face.  

It seems like yesterday when we lost Jamison in the house only to find her hiding in the cabinet playing with the Tupperware. Or the time when Jordan helped me with a home improvement project by sticking a nail in the electrical outlet (not my finest parenting moment) or simply putting soccer cleats on Jill for the first time. One of our most classic memories – one to which many of you can probably relate – was the day when we had a new refrigerator delivered, and one of our children, who will remain nameless, decided to put on roller blades in the house only to slide and put a big dent in the door of our new fridge. Anyway, I could go down memory lane forever, but what about this year? What about Jacob beginning his final year of high school? What life lessons have Jennifer and I already taught him, and what lessons does he still need to learn from us before he is college-bound and beyond? Is he ready, and what more could we do?

With Jacob’s senior year underway, I want to take every opportunity to converse with him, offer advice, and give him the confidence he needs to face the world head-on! As we begin this new school year, I thought I would write this blog as a dad, not as a superintendent. I want to include a letter to Jacob, hoping all parents in similar situations might take the time to let their children know just how much they love them. Perhaps it might encourage other parents to also write a letter to their children.

Many of these reminders are also for me as a dad. In a sense, I hope this blog/letter sets clarity and guidance for Jacob in a world with so much to offer, but one that needs people who focus on positivity, empathy, and love. 

Dear Jacob,

As you enter your senior year, I think it’s important you know just how proud I am of you. I have held a lot of jobs in my day, and as much as I would like to say that being your dad was the best job I ever had, the reality is that it was never a job at all – but it has been and always will be a privilege being your dad.  

You may or may not know this, but your grandfather, my dad, wrote me a similar letter many years ago. I still have it to this day. It meant the world to me, even though I thought I was too cool to thank him at the time. He told me how proud of me he was, and the fact he took the time to say it meant everything to me. Looking back on that letter now that he has passed away brings me so much joy. I know your grandfather was just as proud of you as well.  

You are too young to remember David Letterman’s Top Ten lists, but I am sure you will Youtube one. He was a talk show comedian with some hilarious lists. I put together a Top Ten list of advice and suggestions you can take with you as you begin your senior year. Take them for what they are worth; I see you do so many of these things already. Maybe that is why I am already so proud of you.  

Anyway, here it goes…      

1. Treat people right! No matter who they are or how different they may be from you, treat everyone as a friend. I have learned so much from people over the years who don’t think exactly how I think or believe exactly what I believe. Listen with an open heart, and in the end, be kind and respectful, whether you agree with them or not. Respect doesn’t have to be a two-way street; perhaps the respect you show will earn the trust of others and do a bit to restore people’s belief in others.
2. Be a good listener! Yes, it’s cliche, but it’s true: we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Author Margaret Wheatley has a wonderful quote, “Listen to others with an intent to be changed.” Pause and allow this quote to sink in.
3. Push yourself past the point of being comfortable! There are times in your life when you won’t be comfortable. Whether speaking in front of large groups, taking an AP class, applying for a college, reaching out to that student alone in the hallway to say hello and ask how their year is going, or keeping your feet moving when everyone else has decided to stand, step outside your comfort zone. Be true to yourself, your heart, and your beliefs, even if it means you are not doing the norm and are a little uncomfortable.
4. Use social media to promote the positive and good in the world! How can you use social media to build others up and show the good in life? Even though I mention social media, I am still a bit old school, as you well know, so challenge yourself to do things without a phone in your hands. Go to school one day without your phone or leave it at home when you hang out with friends; this will provide quite a sense of freedom.
5. Do something in the morning that shows a sense of accomplishment! Make your own lunch, make your bed (for goodness sake!), or simply take out the trash without being asked. The initiative and discipline will take you far in life.
6. Make others smile! Use humor in your life, whether it’s a silly joke or a funny story. Remember one of Grandpa’s favorite jokes? “How can you tell a person is a happy motorcycle rider?” Answer: He has bugs in his teeth. I know, I know – pretty bad, right? But I bet you are smiling.
7. Be spontaneous! Not everything has to be planned. Spontaneity is a good thing that can bring so much joy to your life and others. Be smart with your decisions. Every once in a while, sing out loud in the car with your friends when everyone else is quiet. Get donuts for your friends or go to a movie you think you will not like. Guess what – you just might like it.
8. Cherish the time and company of loved ones! When you grow up and have a family, sit down and eat dinner together as much as possible. Put the phone away for 20 minutes and enjoy the conversation and your family’s company.
9. Always listen to your parents! Remember, you're never too old to seek advice from your parents. This should have been number one (smile).
10. Never be afraid to use the word love! Love is not a sign of weakness but the opposite; it is a sign of strength. Jacob, I love you.

It has been an incredible adventure for the first 17 years of your life, Jacob! You have your best years still in front of you! I cannot wait to see what your future holds.

Love,

Dad

So there it is – my letter to Jacob before his senior year. I hope it serves you well.